Give us...us Free!!!!

Okay, its has officially been one week since the big move on and I have done just that. I just want to say that when going through a breakup it is important to have a strong network of supportive friends to assist in the moving on process. I am indeed blessed to have said group of friends who are are giving me the support and love that I need to find myself again.

This past week has gone considerably well. Despite what I've googled, I am not crying or depressed. Okay, that's a lie, maybe a little. But only when he comes by to pick up the things that continue to clutter my progression. It's funny because I am moving along in my week; making progress as the days continue on and BAM! Here he comes with a text stating that he needs to grab this or pick up that. I prepare myself by taking a series of deep breaths, gathering myself for this reunion that doesn't even live up to the preparation.

He continues to act as if I've done something wrong! Hello? This was mutual. Remember? We BOTH agreed to this. This was for the best. Right??? Then he leaves after making passive aggressive remarks to the dog. "Hi Doggie, Whoa! You need a bath!" WTF? I just gave her a damn bath!!! But instead of me commenting and starting a fight, I remain silent and continue to take deep breaths. And then he leaves. The apartment is now filled with a heaviness that is overwhelming. The tears fall and mid-cry, I remember my beloved sage. Sage smudging does wonders for the psyche. I highly recommend burning something when you are low. The fire dances and the heat distracts you from the looming emotion. Then you blow it out and there's a fiery red ash, then smoke. The smoke travels from your hand throughout your apartment removing bad energy and calming the spirit. I travel through the apartment removing the grey cloud that he left behind and replace it with the sharp smell of sage. Woo! Then a glass of Pinot Grigio, just a glass, and I relax and try to remember why I am doing this in the first place.

I look around my apartment at the bare walls and the 6 year-old rug covered in a shredded chew toy and thank the Lord that I have made it this far. Far enough in my life to understand when enough is enough. I understand that I don't have to stay in a relationship that doesn't work for me. I still believe in love. As I sit daydreaming about love, the guilt sets in.

Guilt is a strange thing. In taking time to process this guilt, I think about why I feel guilty. When I think about the prospect of moving on, I am filled with guilt. I don't want to rub it in his face, Ahha look at me! I am able to move on! But, on the flip side, I want to. I want to rearrange my furniture and start off fresh. I want to reconnect with my old self. I miss her. Where you at ChicagoSlim? I know you're in there!!! Come Back!

She's coming back ya'll, one day at a time. I just need to focus on the progress that I have made and look forward to the future. Summer Break is right around the corner and my Ikea wish list makes things all worthwhile. In all honesty, I am truly enjoying my freedom. I can chill on the couch in my jammies and not worry about unapproving looks. I hate those, by the way. I can come and go as I please, while remembering to be careful, for my mom. I can reconnect with old friends that I isolated because I was in a relationship, that's a whole 'nother blog. I can listen to my music. But most importantly I can revel in my freedom. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do!